“I should not have taken that drastic action, breaking my marriage for no just cause after two years. I should have given him a fair hearing since no one is perfect”,
regretted a woman who had waited to remarry after breaking up with her husband.
Marriage breakdown is a common process whereby a relationship between married couples erode, such that they cannot ordinarily restore their relationship or come back together as one.
According to a Catholic Priest in Mbaukwu, Awka South LGA, Anambra State, Rev. Fr. Demain Kenechukwu, marriage is a union that is handled with love, care, understanding, honesty, commitment ; not a do or die affair. “Every marriage does not culminate in being an ever-lasting, heavenly, beautiful affair. Sometimes, the strands of the marital relationship break off for reasons known and at times, unknown. I have seen a lot of couples struggling to save their marriages. When this happens; its aftermath exerts great problems in form of psychological imbalance, societal stereotypes and physical discomfort and so on, including the endless pains associated to it”.
While stating some of the factors that can cause marriage breakage, Rev. Fr. Kenechukwu recalled that many couples have forgotten that God clearly defined the roles and responsibilities of the husband and the wife for a peaceful and happy cohabitation. “However, neglect of one’s responsibility and failure to meet up with the required expectation often lead to one or more crisis in the home which could result to marriage back off. Though, it is not possible to generate a conclusive list of the factors capable of causing crisis or breakage in marriage,” he stressed.
He noted that such problems depend on the people concerned and varies from one marriage to another. “There are also marriages that stand the test of time often built on respect, acceptance, admiration, appreciation and emotional safety. Couples, who want to stay long and happy in their marriages, need to have mutual respect because disrespect brings about anger and frustration, which can result to impatience, labeling, criticism and hurt. If one continues ridiculing his or her partner, it could lead to marriage breakdown because when the other could not contend the other person’s insult or disrespect, what do you expect? He or she goes away”.
“Another factor is regular act of selfishness by either of the two, which is commonly seen at the side of the male folks. Know it that a partner who is selfish and always put his or her interest above the other is bringing a serious damage to the marriage because the deprived partner may start to feel unwanted and unloved. Other ones include different backgrounds and upbringing, lack of mutual understanding, support and trust, less commitment and sense of responsibility, to mention but a few,” he highlighted.
“The most painful and annoying part of it all bothers on infidelity on a cheating partner. Extra marital affairs are responsible for most breakdowns of most marriages in Nigeria unlike Western parts of the world where they marry and remarry without regarding it as anything. Most often, anger and resentment are common underlying reasons for cheating, along with differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy”, he concluded.
One of the Pastor’s in a Pentecostal church in Ekwulobia, Aguata LGA, Mr. Peter Oseke, stated that keeping union of a man and a woman as partners in a relationship is not as easy as the word ‘marriage’. It takes the two parties involved to make the marriage work. When one disagrees, the bond is broken. Couples do face hitches and temptations that tend to drive their marriage to the rocks.
Mr Oseke singled out nagging as one major cause for marriage breakage. “Generally, women react more passively or with maximum restraint to nagging than men. While on the other hand, men as aggressive as they (sometimes) are, would want to respond to the wife’s naggings with their physical strength. They feel more irritated and incensed when nagged. This usually results to quarrels and insults or constant pulling of the face”, he noted.
“Another thing is sexual dissatisfaction either by the woman or by the man. It often leads to discontentment that may result in serious quarrels or even adultery. There are other factors like different religious backgrounds, drunkenness, late night keeping, incompatibility, lack of mutual understanding, among others…”
Mrs Ngozi Udeh, Uju Okeke, Ada Obazi, divorcees, expressed that most often; people rush into the union to bear a man’s name without waiting for God’s time or seeking God’s directives. And sometimes, they don’t even know much about the person they are going to settle down with. And when you go into it properly and discover that the reverse is the case, only those that can endure will stay back.
Mrs Okeke revealed other factors like dishonesty, disliking, change in appearance at the side of the woman in particular, handling family issues differently, as well as domestic violence, pride and ego, lack of intimacy and worst of all, when the couple have their separate lives and goals to attend to instead of having a well-defined line that would lead them to one goal.