When sex overwhelms your teenage child’s thoughts
A MOTHER told her teenage daughter: “my dear, sex is sacred and it is meant for the married people only. It is not for the unmarried. You are too young to expose yourself into such kind of life.
I am not against you having male or boyfriend but what I am against is allowing you to be used and dumped thereafter. If anything comes out of it, how would both of you handle it?,” The daughter had inquired why she would not be allowed to sleep with her boyfriend.
The girl in question replied, “my friends used to tell me that if I want to grow up big, I should allow my boyfriend have sex with me; otherwise, I will remain childish. Even my boyfriend (Chinoso) told me that. And he has been pleading with me, telling me that the act will make me grow big and mature.
I remember my mother once told me when she was alive that I should never allow myself to be used by men or have sex with them. But i continued asking myself why? Does it mean it is not wise to do such a thing now?” She asked.
Interestingly, premarital sex is the act of sex between a male and female who are not married. Such act is usually seen among young ones or teenagers.
Thus, it is considered as a moral issue, tagged as a taboo in many cultures and taken as a forbidden act by a number of religions. But after the 60s, it became more widely accepted, especially in Western countries.
Studies on ‘global morality, disclosed that premarital sex was considered particularly unacceptable in ‘ predominantly Muslim nations ‘ and in most parts of Nigeria’s States, having over 90 percent disapproval ,while people in Western European countries were the most accepting, expressing less than 10 percent disapproval. Christianity sees it as a forbidden act that would result to penance, according to Reverend Father Ernest Ibeh.
Meanwhile, Chukwuemeka Okafor, Ikeokwu Nwankwo, Obianuju Okoro, Anthonia Anagor, noted that teenagers are vulnerable population to engage in premarital sex.
“It can be observed that some students discontinue their studies due to early pregnancies because they are immature and innocent. They are curious about trying new things in their adolescence. Therefore, they can easily be misled if not properly checkmated or tutored by parents, guidance and schools”.
They further expressed that why most parents don’t allow their teenagers to engage in premarital sexual activities is because, one fifth of the world’s population are adolescents, and 88 Percent of them are in the developing world.
On the other hand, research on ‘adolescence’ suggested such period as a time youths are at high risk of contracting any kind of disease like HIV and AIDS, pregnancies, and sexual transmitted diseases due to unprotected heterosexual sex.
Moreover, they said, “premarital sex among teenagers is mainly caused by curiosity, the media, and lack of sex education”.
Jane Nwabufor, a nurse, said, “young people indulge in such acts with such reasons as sexual arousal, wanting to belong or experience or having a taste of it because at this stage, they will be eager about everything, particularly, trying to have premarital sex.
They often imagine the scene about sex in which they feel excited and pleased after they fall in love with others. And this is the reason why they will want to engage in premarital sex”.
Ifeoma Obah, an educator, stated that teenagers are easily influenced by what they see through the media or internet. “Some of the information on social media has negative effect on these young ones’ understanding, particularly as it relates to sexual activities, especially the pornography they watch. They will like to exploit it after watching it”, she added.
Chinyere Nwobu, a psychologist, maintained that many adolescents engage in premarital sex because they lack sex education. “Mind you, parents are their children’s best sex educators.
But there are parents who feel embarrassed teaching their wards about sex. Sometimes, even teachers have mixed minds teaching this to these kids because, may be, they are mixed up in a class ( boys and girls).
Sex education is such a significant component in teenagers’ growth that it should be attached great importance to. Both parents and schools are supposed to correctly guide them to know more about sexual knowledge to avoid its implications”.
Amaka Okonkwo, a lecturer with four children, three girls and a boy, said ,”although there is no average age for teenagers to engage in sexual activities and it is no longer usual to find boys and girls starting from 12 years of age, but the psychological effect is most devastating as they may form the habit overtime.
Premarital sex has contributed to the on-going moral deterioration of our society. Some of its consequences include but limited to teenage or unwanted pregnancy, high rate of abortion, risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases and risk of contracting incurable diseases like HIV/AIDS and other related dreaded diseases”.
“Sadly, those that fall victim in this case are females among them. Male in most cases, do and go free but it is never the same with the ladies.
Some of these female ones drop out of school because they got themselves pregnant on the course of this. If you check, out of 90 percent of homes, 60 percent are out of school due to this, and are now causing nuisance in the society ,forgetting that they are the ones who purposely threw out the golden opportunity given to them to be in school. While the remaining 40 percent are in school studying”, she illustrated.
National Light also sampled the opinions of some teenagers concerning the issue. Ijeoma Nwije (13), Ifechukwu Ugwu (12),Vincent Okpala (14), Ekene Oduh (14); said they had no boyfriends or girlfriends, while Paul Obi (13), Anayo Chibundul (14), Eberechukwu Ezeh (15) and Chiago Nwuso (16) proudly accepted they have girlfriends and boyfriends but are being careful to avoid any eventuality according to what they have been taught by their parents.
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